Ugh.

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See, that’s what the app is perfect for.

Sounds perfect Wahhhh, I don’t wanna

I’m 43% through reading Camilla. In an effort to eScApE my own mind I’ve filled up my ‘to read’ list on good reads. I love gothic horror & romance so I picked it up after a recommendation of classics for beguines. I will say it’s been a breeze to read, as far as words on page.

I Just can’t get INTO the story. I don’t know if it’s the past tense narration or the fact that the narrator continues to reference their current experience of recalling the past, but I just get sucked out of the story so easily. But also the fact that I know how it ends, I know what to expect. The suspense just isn’t there for me, all the whispered sweet nothings that I should be drooling over feel icky in my mind.

I want to be able to appreciate this story for what it is. I want to enjoy it. But I know just enough that it’s not providing any entertainment.

Carmila reading lamentations
lets-get-fictional

10 Tips for Writing (Good) Smut

saltyshiro

so. let’s do this.

About a year ago, I had to read a book for my school’s summer reading assignment called How to Read Literature Like a Professor by Thomas Foster. It’s not a bad book, pretty decent actually, but there was this one chapter about sex scenes in literature. And one of the first sentences was along the lines of “writing sex is boring.”

and I did a double-take. Bc in my experience, that is absolutely not the case, and if you do find yourself bored while writing smut, then you’re not doing it right. See, Thomas’s main argument was that there’s only so many ways you can write sex scenes, because there’s only so many sex acts you can choose from. (My boy Thomas is clearly a vanilla dude, but let’s not hold that against him.) 

But one of the most important things to keep in mind while writing smut is that it’s not necessarily just about the act itself. So while Thomas is right that there are limits as to how many ways ppl can have sex, he failed to realize that writing sex is about a LOT more than that. And I’m gonna prove it to you.

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TW: Afghanistan Current Events



The situation in Afghanistan is breaking my heart. Irregardless of political opinion or religious affiliation, innocent people who deserve to live comfortable, peaceful lives are going to suffer immensely.

And for what? People will resort to whatever horrors they need to survive. Taking the moral high ground, or ‘doing the right thing’ will quickly become the unsafest option.

How can you blame someone who is choosing survival, by whatever means necessary, in the face of death?

And all that aside, the chaos will make covid all the more problematic.

International Womens Rights are at the forefront of my mind.

Who is even at fault in the situation? The history of global coruption weaves a thick and tangled web throughout the entire country of Afghanistan.

All I know right now is that people are suffering. And I wish I knew the answers to make it stop. No one should have to experience whats happening over there.

Any resources shared are appreciated.

I’m losing my faith. Or maybe I’ve already lost it. And I don’t think I want it back. I was raised Christian and it seemed so simple to just believe what I was told. I was proud of my blind faith, and always having the perfect sunday school answer to any questions about God or Christianity.

Then the pastor of my church had an affair and committed suicide when he was found out.

Then I found evidence of the bible, and other holy texts of other religions being deliberately changed to drive an agenda.

I’ve been betrayed by centuries of authority trying to control people through religion.

They say that when you lose your faith and fall away from your religion to not go jumping into a new religion. There will be a void in your life and its not uncommon to fill it with the next available answer. So why am I still attending a Christian Bible study?

It’s infuriating to listen to people talk about how great God is and how insignificant humans are. “Our humanity is evil.” Why did God make us like that then? Why bother. Its a waste of existence to create such a shitty existence.

Often advice given to new artists is to create art even if it isn’t good. The point is to get practice, even if it doesn’t turn out well or the way you want it to, you’ve got the experience under your belt.

Maybe God was just practicing and we didn’t turn out quite like the masterpiece he envisioned. I’m waiting for the day he paints over us and replaces us with a better reality.


On an unrelated note, since being on antidepressants I’ve been more irratic. I think I have ADHD, and plan on getting diagnosed, or at least get a definite answer. But it’s made me hesitant to speak up durring bible study because I’m worried that I won’t be able to get my point across and I’ll just come off as rambly and annoying.

God and everyone else is a mom too. I’m not the youngest, but I feel the stupidest. I feel like I don’t fit in.

Christian bible study ex Christian faith faithless dear god im so uncomfortable with my own existence

It’s been a year and a half since I last logged in.

And the nostalgia is just WOW. I can’t believe how much I used tumblr. especially since I don’t use it at all now. 

I feel like I fell back in time. 

Anyway, I was just thinking about how funny it would be if I actually used this platform as a blog and actually wrote things instead of just reblogging pictures and spells. What if I actually wrote things here that I think and feel. Wouldn’t that be crazy?  

It’s weird. I’m 23 and feel like I just now have the mental capacity to learn about who I am. I know I’m emotionally stunted from trauma, and spending so many years just trying to survive really choked my personality. I have time and energy and space to question things I thought I knew about myself, and what I believe. 

I’m back bitches, and I’m here to fill up Tumblr’s servers with a bunch of shit I’m too lazy to write in a journal

nastalgia I'm back bitches